Astronomical Society of the Pacific
Jimmy Chen

Light from the day, collected in upward palms and cooked down into syrup, is sealed off at 5PM everyday. This syrup, or 'shine', is held in a vat. It is sprayed onto the moon, using a large hose, in tiny increments every time anybody on earth blinks. This process takes about three hours. Despite the claims of Canada, this hose is to be used only for such purpose.
The moon orbits around the earth every 27.3 days, until 1976, when it becomes memory. The moon is the same size as the sun, but much further away. To determine the distance of the sun, draw a triangle in the air with your index finger sharp enough to cut the sky. If a shard of daylight falls and breaks, you are near.
While the moon 'shines', men sit in leather armchairs and contemplate balls. Women, washing dishes under the kitchen window, contemplate the shine's affect on their skin. If their skin absorbs too much shine, they will begin to resemble ghosts. They close the blinds and have panic attacks. Girls may recite popular lyrics under the moon's shine as a form of pre-lactation. Sons ignore the moon, waiting for the complete end of light.
A lunar eclipse is the subjective interface one has with the moon-dependent on the moon's position in orbit around the earth, and the earth's orbit around the sun. Such orbits are called 'languishes', forming cycles which are aesthetically marked by the ratio of lit to non-lit parts of the moon. The Flemish refer to this phenomenon as 'chiaroscuro'. Non-lit parts are under the jurisdiction of dreams (patented by Marcel Proust in 1913). Lit parts are churned into sticks of chalk for school the next day.
There is a face on the moon. She is David, Chief of Endocrinology. David's eyes and nostrils are formed by dark lunar plains call Maria (from the Latin mare), as they were believed to be seas. We now know they are merely solidified pools of eye-glaze, a form of cosmic wax. David's nose, forehead, and other protrusions, are mountain ranges covered with highly reflective gloss. The David calendar is comprised of paper and traces of pencil lead; therein holds the key to all legal emotions.
Comprised of a crust, a hard-core, a soft-core, and an upper and lower mantle, the moon is prone to initiate tidal force. People will experience swelling around the neck and lower-back pain. They will call their lovers in vain, for all lovers reside in non-lit parts. New Jersey, despite common sarcastic remarks, is non-lit State. Where there is flooding caused by tidal waves, people are forced onto earth plateaus, which are also made by foreheads and other facial contours.
David is either grimacing or laughing. Prolonged arguments about this, referred to as Foreign Diplomacy, will end in 2001.