Michelangelo v. Vatican
Jimmy Chen

Worker's Compensation Civil Lawsuit filed against the Vatican (Pope Julius II, et al.) to recover overtime compensation for work in excess of 80 hrs in a workweek between 1508 and 1512, aggravated by supine position(s), dank working environment, and cacophonous angels.
Plaintiff Michelangelo bring suit alleging that the Vatican failed to i) pay over-time, and ii) was grossly negligent in providing ergonomic work station (in violation of the Genius Labor Standards Act, U.S.C. § 333.101 - 333.115 et seq.) during a commission to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Plaintiff's complaints of severe back/neck pain, vertigo, and nausea were continuously dismissed. Diagnosed resultant injuries are: two slipped disks, carpal tunnel, and scarring tissue around optic nerves.
Vatican moves for summary judgment without trial, claiming there are no genuine issues of material fact, and is therefore entitled to summary judgment, arguing that they were utilizing the Fluctuating Usage of Commissioned Knowledge method, in which said commissions, and all attributes pertaining to it, are subject to re-interpretation and re-implementation by the Church. Fluctuating Usage of Commissioned Knowledge waives any legal responsibility to provide comfortable scaffolding for plaintiff, nor to pay plaintiff for over-time at a rate commensurate with the state.
The court need not accept mere conclusory allegations taken from the pleadings (see L. da Vinci v. Pope Nicolas V, F.2d re: Last Supper, 1498). In deciding a motion for summary judgement, "the judge's function is not himself to weigh the evidence and determine truth, but to, in general, stick it to the renaissance man."
Therefore, the defendant's motion for summary judgment without trial is hereby approved, with judgment in defendant's favor. Plaintiff will pay law firm Coviello, Denoto & Mariotti, LLC 2.4 million Liras for initiating arbitration; and as compensation to the Vatican for erroneous grievances, plaintiff will paint over all incidences where free favors (see appendix A2 - A34) were written on bathroom stalls by their generous authors, whom wish to remain anonymous.