Cookie Hour
Jimmy Chen

There have been some questions concerning cookie hour which the following will hopefully clarify: There are now two 'cookie hours,' and while the phrase fails on a semantic level in both cases, we continue using it because to introduce new phrases such as 'sadist cookies' or 'the new cookie half hour' would throw is into mass confusion.
The Wednesday cookie hour is the exact cookie hour as formerly on Thursdays -- in terms of diameter, nut content, and fat saturation. Everything remains the same, other than our bondage procedures, and the change from Thursdays to Wednesdays.
There will also be a new cookie hour on Thursdays, hence the confusion. This cookie hour is the exact time of the sacrifice, which is intentional. The goal here is to provide cookies for people who attend the sacrifice. The Wednesday cookie hour is thus relieved from the psychological baggage (i.e. incentive to eat vs. reluctance to die) which had a corrosive effect on our colony.
An explanation: two provincial sentiments grew further and further apart, until it was necessary to appease both parties. The Obeses believed there was too little time of cookie consumption before the 4:00PM sacrifice, causing people to swallow whole without enjoyment. They rallied for an increased half hour cookie hour. The Obtuses dissented against an absurd half hour cookie 'hour,' calling for separation of cookie hour and sacrifice.
After an executive intervention which involved an unfortunate off-site sacrifice of a detractor (and a related parking ticket), we now have the two cookie hours before us. As far as the promised gagging memorandum, we are still in the research phase.