i. One for All
Back in February, Government gave Jordan the exclusive right
to provide tremendous, tremendous sex. It's becoming harder
to overlook the consequences of her advancement:
late marriage, falling birth rates. Above all, sex marathons
have started getting easier to dislike. As 600 topless iPhone users
followed the glamour model into her Marbella villa yesterday, a wild
Om! emerged. Happy static. Only her partner seems unable to keep up
with their growing appetites. A worrying trend but progress
has been made. Baby steps, the Prime Minister said, baby steps.
ii. A Total Question
The 'Learning Forest' has arrested three young Islamists.
Already, whether they were detained in a state of grace
or of illegal opposition, whether an ethnic Chinese country
is a prime habitat for state-funded television, and whether 74ha
of rare exotic plants, marshland and wildlife will be turned into booze,
we don't know. We know the Minister demanded a different
type of alcohol, and that one in five general elections showcase
illegal entry. Announced on Monday: they are Americans.
They were detained. They are tourists or they are not.
(A debt is owed to Lance Newman for the constraints behind the poem.
Each section was written using only words from the first three paragraphs
of three news stories found on Google News on the same date. The section titles
use one word from each.
"The iPhone Gets Easier to Dislike", The Washington Post
"Kudos to women but low birth rate worries PM", The Straits Times
"Sex marathon for Katie Price", News24.com
"Bigger Botanic Gardens", The Straits Times
"Iran Questions Detained U.S. Hikers", The New York Times
"Malaysia Islamists booze ban could fuel feud", Reuters)