Diptych, August 4th, 2009
Nicholas Liu

i. One for All

Back in February, Government gave Jordan the exclusive right

to provide tremendous, tremendous sex. It's becoming harder

to overlook the consequences of her advancement:

late marriage, falling birth rates. Above all, sex marathons

have started getting easier to dislike. As 600 topless iPhone users

followed the glamour model into her Marbella villa yesterday, a wild

Om! emerged. Happy static. Only her partner seems unable to keep up

with their growing appetites. A worrying trend but progress

has been made. Baby steps, the Prime Minister said, baby steps.

ii. A Total Question

The 'Learning Forest' has arrested three young Islamists.

Already, whether they were detained in a state of grace

or of illegal opposition, whether an ethnic Chinese country

is a prime habitat for state-funded television, and whether 74ha

of rare exotic plants, marshland and wildlife will be turned into booze,

we don't know. We know the Minister demanded a different

type of alcohol, and that one in five general elections showcase

illegal entry. Announced on Monday: they are Americans.

They were detained. They are tourists or they are not.

(A debt is owed to Lance Newman for the constraints behind the poem.
Each section was written using only words from the first three paragraphs
of three news stories found on Google News on the same date. The section titles
use one word from each.


"The iPhone Gets Easier to Dislike", The Washington Post

"Kudos to women but low birth rate worries PM", The Straits Times

"Sex marathon for Katie Price", News24.com


"Bigger Botanic Gardens", The Straits Times

"Iran Questions Detained U.S. Hikers", The New York Times

"Malaysia Islamists booze ban could fuel feud", Reuters)