Chrissy Likes the Dolphins
Greg Gerke

She kept it hidden for a while and then sprang it on a night we started to have sex but didn't finish. She pushed my thigh off her thigh, cleared her throat and said, "Ted, I want you to know, I like the dolphins."
I nodded and went to the bathroom. I knew she wasn't talking about dolphins in general and she'd never mentioned football as an interest, but we'd only been together for a year -- people forget things.
The next morning I found a Miami Dolphins pennant on the refrigerator and at night Chrissy came to bed in a Dolphins jersey stretching well past her ass.
I sat in the dark for a long time. "Are the Dolphins going to be good for us?" I asked.
In the next week I awoke three times to her watching games from the 1984 AFC Championship season. Her hair in pigtails, her pom-poms orange and blue. "Jesus Christ," I shrieked, "We have to go to work in two hours."
She twisted a pom-pom in my face. "You are fair weather, so so so so fair weather."
At work I staggered around the office, staring at other, normal-seeming women. I spoke to Leslie about good dentists in the area. I joked with Madeline about file folders. "Problems on the home front Ted?" my supervisor said.
"Chrissy really likes the Dolphins."
At home I was made to be a dummy that Chrissy would practice clipping penalties on. Salivating, she said, "It hardly gets called, but when it does, it's totally amazing." She now went to her reception job in full regalia, missing only the shoulder pads. In a few days she was fired and immediately urged a move to Miami. I snapped my fingers in front of her nose. "I like Cleveland and you told me you liked it too."
I told friends, I told family. I told our neighbors, I told everybody. They would not reply. It was like I hadn't spoken. I went to the police and they laughed. The Dolphins weren't even in the same division as the Browns, what the fuck did they care.
I looked around the city I lived in, wondering about the world and specifically my sexual needs. We hadn't done it since 'the night of the Dolphins,' as I now referred to it.
On a Sunday when Chrissy had the four big Dolphin fans in the Cleveland area over to watch the game, I went to a bar with no TV's, a red interior and a reputation for bringing people together. I found a woman who wrote werewolf novels. She'd lived in Scotland and had straight black hair, three inch fingernails. She knew I was married, she knew my kind of problems. I went after her hands but that must have been rude because she swatted at me with her new werewolf manuscript. "I don't think this is going to work," she said.
"But you know me," I cried. "You know the issues. The person that becomes another creature. You write about it all the time."
"I write from the viewpoint of the werewolf," and she wiggled out of the booth and stood up. She was six-foot-seven. I could understand her now -- a really tall woman wants a really tall man, that which I was never. I twirled my thumbs and moaned and she smashed my face. "And don't tell a woman that she knows you." Then she whacked me again, "And that's for all the werewolves."