Matt Bell

CHAINSAW (n.) -- 1. A portable, mechanical tool used for sawing. 2. Used primarily for the removal of foliage, branches, and dead limbs (see also AMPUTATION). 3. May be powered by gasoline, electricity, or willpower. May be lubricated with tears or else blood. 4. Is among the class of objects which are more dangerous to the operator than to other human beings. The average chainsaw injury requires one hundred twelve stitches and may cause permanent damage and/or death. 5. A weapon, if held correctly. 6. Not to be operated under the influence of drugs or alcohol, nor while experiencing sadness or despair. Not to be used in Texas after 1974. 7. The thing which is blamed so that the person might not be. 8. The reason he is not here. Related articles: THINGS WITH TEETH. THE AGE OF HUNGRY MACHINES. THE CUTTING AWAY OF DEAD TISSUE. LOSS.