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My girlfriend breaks up with me on the phone, and says she's sorry she's not doing it in person.
 I thank her for not doing it in person.
"Why?" she asks. "Why do you say that type of shit? That's so you, encapsulated in that sentence. You're such a coward, Porter. I really can't believe. . ."
I hang up on her because, whatever, right? We're broken up. Life is for the living!
A month later my ex-girlfriend calls and says, "I didn't like the way we got off the phone the last time we spoke."
"Okay," I say.
"I hate you," she says, and hangs up.
I call her back.
"Look," I say, "I am light. I am invincible. I move through the world with a lovable stupidity."
"You move through the world stupid," she says.
I call her back.
"Hello?" she says.
"It's me," I say.
"Me who?" she says.
"Porter!"
"Why are you calling me?"
"Because I don't want you to have the last word."
"But I'm on the other line with you!"
"Oh," I say.
"I'm hanging up both lines, now."
I call her back.
She picks up and hangs up without saying a word.
I call her back.
She picks up and hangs up.
I call her back.
Her answering machine comes on. "If this is Porter, please stop calling. This is me having the last word."
I call her back for the rest of my life.
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