The Elephant
Jim Goar

"Two million nine hundred twenty three thousand one hundred seventy nine Big Macs and a Diet Coke."
"What size?"
"Medium. Large. No, medium."
"Will that be all?"
"Uh huh."
"Please pull up to the first window."

I

An elephant crawls under my house. Floor boards creak. Water lines burst. All dry land is soon gone. For eleven months I await the plumber. Just when I think I've been forgotten the red faced bird arrives. It's come to borrow a pinch of thyme. I ask it for some help. It tells me to use a wrench. I do. The flooding stops. I open my cabinet. All the thyme is gone. I give the bird an olive instead.

II

When I learn that Dumbo is showing again I know there will be problems. I warn the elephant. It pays no heed and sees the flick. Two days later it builds a nest. My neighbors complain. I bake them cookies. They call the law. The law has an idea: thirty-seven fire-eating midgets and a sad clown will persuade the elephant to join the circus. For nineteen months they try. The elephant is not swayed. I am. The clown says ok. But the midgets don't think I'm circus material.

III

"You, elephant, move on!"
It does not move, so I do. I settle into another hammock. The view is nice between my socks. I go to sleep. I wake. The elephant is there between my socks. I make horrendous faces at it. It does not move. I cover it in mud. When the tide goes out, I can see its feet.

IV

I leave my eyes open and face the turned off TV. Beside it is the front door. The wind opens the door. A girl rides her bike on the sidewalk. Two red leaves fall into her basket. Her scarf has tassels and her hat a red ball which follows behind. The front wheel of her bike disengages and rolls into the street. A red convertible hits the tire. It bounces through my open door and makes itself at home.
"Have you any eggs?" it asks.
"Unfortunately I don't."
It turns on the radio and we listen to the World Series.

V

The telegram arrives at my door. It sings a little ditty about my eviction. I take the news well and give it a dollar. It tips its hat and says, "Good day." I leave my home at once.

VI

I am riding on the back of the elephant. It pays no attention to traffic lights. Soon the police are involved. We are cuffed and thrown in the back of a cruiser. The elephant begins to cry. Within seconds the car is filled with tears. The law rolls down the windows so it can breathe. We take this opportunity to escape.

1996 © 2005