the MFA in hamsters
Tao Lin

at the table is a moose, a bear, a cow, a hamster

all have neutral facial expressions

the bear reads its short story

the room is small and when the moose moves it makes a hole in the wall

and goes through the hole to wyoming, where it lives

the cow sits and falls because cows can't sit

the bear sits on the cow

the cow squirms a little

the bear pets the cow's face and the cow stops squirming

the cow is afraid

the bear scratches the cow's face a little

a human comes in

'is this the MFA in hamsters?' the human says

the human is nervous and begins to read his short story

the bear claws the back of the human's head and the human dies

blood gets on the hamster

the hamster shakes its body

this has been the MFA in hamsters

if you like what you have heard please fill out a FAFSA form to determine if you are eligible for financial aid

the MFA in hamsters is a two-year residency program which culminates in the submission of a creative thesis

with the spirit of an arts colony and the benefits of the research university of which we are a part the MFA in hamsters continues to foster and to celebrate american literature in all its varied forms

we look forward to working with you, especially if you are a talented young hamster with cultural and political awareness, an interesting background, and a sort of half-assededly nihilistic worldview that can, ultimately, be interpreted by michiko kakutani, benjamin kunkel, and whoever the current fiction editor of the new yorker is as 'life-affirming,' 'refreshingly optimistic,' and 'free of the crippling irony that plaques much of our younger writers'